I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
