He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize