We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
