I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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