We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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