Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize