They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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