i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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