HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
