So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
