I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
