i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
