Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
