so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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