my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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