So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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