If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
