Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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