The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
