That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
