I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
