You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
