The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
