yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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