But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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