one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
