Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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