So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
