I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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