Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
