Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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