I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
