yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
