are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
