Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
