There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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