One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
