3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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