Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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