I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize