so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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