You can't special order awesome
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
