Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
