dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
