Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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