so explain again why im purple
no
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
