brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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