May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
