Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
