stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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