ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
