He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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