I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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