yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
