i need an iv and a liver transplant
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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