): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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