He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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