I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
