great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
