i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
